...and every road i walk will take me down to the sea...

so...idk...i just kinda wanted to blog...about anything/nothing


i finally got a response out of sydney


she still loves me and wants to hang out next week


i guess she just stays busy with school (she was in summer school at RCC)

i cant blame her

i should be as busy as she is

but i guess im not as desperate to get out

i have some good things going for me

chamber singers being first and foremost

and stephanie being high up on that list

i love her/she needs me/she loves me/i need her

anyways

i feel like im going the right pace for me

fast is the right pace for some people

slow and steady is gonna win this race though

i feel like im doing exactly what i need to do to be successful

"why?" one might ask "why is this exactly what you need to do to be successful"

katie finaldi

she is my example

its not hero worship

though she did say once that i have a "problem" with that

she wants to do exactly what i want to do with my life...she's just several steps ahead of me...age does that

so im using her as an example and im taking her advice...which is why im at mt sac...which is how i got into chamber

so...no...not hero worship...just following her example...its a good example

i do respect her a lot

she demands it without demanding it

she gets it from me for who she is

for who she is becoming

no matter what some people might say about her...they dont really know her...does anyone really though??

ive known her for a lil over 5 years and i cant even say that i KNOW her

idk

ramble ramble blah blah blah


love and stuff,

B.A.J

my frustration

i am a humongous flirt...i may not always no when im flirting with someone because it just happens naturally but i do know when im being flirted with

so if your straight/taken...and have no intention of making good on your flirtation...DONT FLIRT WITH ME!...it gets annoying when i get my hopes up and you let me down

if i wasnt so tired i would cry...

...im even too tired to post this blog

so here's the gist of it:

one of my very first friends of high school was a lovely girl by the name of Sydney Noelle Dever

we stayed best friends all throughout high school

she went to uci, i went to mt sac

and we havent seen each other since

goodnight i think i might die from exhaustion


love and stuff,

B.A.J

my day (with my thoughts on mike in parantheses)

so


today


WAS GREAT!!!!

woke up at about 10:45 to get ready for work

im ready to go and on the road by 11:20

stop for gas

on the freeway

at work and ready to clock in by 12:05

claim my tips

try to clock in

not successful

try again

not successful

once more

not successful

knock knock on the managers office

no answer

turn around

"Nicole!!"

"Wassup"

"Im not on drugs am i?"

"what do you mean?"

"i work today right?"

"well let me check"

she checks

"youre not on my lunch roster, let me check the dinner one"

she checks

"youre not on the dinner one either"

"are you serious?!?"

"you can check the one up front"

i go up to the host stand

"do you have the roster"

"the roster?"

"here it is"

"omg i really dont work today"

"seriously?"

"ya, im so retarded"

"haha"

"well i dont wanna leave...maybe i'll eat"

i try everyone that i can think of to come eat with me

"no one can come!"

"im sure you can find someone, try lauren" (this is mike...mike is cute...i like mike)

"i dont have lauren's number"

"here take my phone" (mike is cute...i like mike)

i call lauren and relay my funny story and extend a lunch invitation

she's busy

"can lauren come?" (stop being cute...didnt i hate you last week?....ya i did until i was about to go home and then you started being cute...ok)

"no shes busy"

"why dont you wait for someone to go on lunch and you can eat with them?" (like...you perhaps...no youve probably had your lunch already)

"i'm gonna try this person that i really dont wanna try"

the person is danny

danny is out of town til friday

lawren texts me back...finally

she just got out of class and is available to meet me at chili's

by this time ive been there for about 45 minutes already...talking to mike (mike is cute...)

"yay i found someone!"

"the person you didnt wanna try?"

"nope...actually the first person i tried"

"oh thats cool...you want me to seat you now? where do you wanna sit?" (aww youre so cute)

"hmmm nicole's section is full...and so is genessis...what about michelle? does she have any open tables?"

"ya...want me to seat you now? i'll save it for you if you wanna wait" (arent you precious? of course i wanna wait...)

"i think im gonna go to my car real quick"

i drop of my arpon and change into my flip flops

"so why do all of your friends live out here if you live in corona?" (oh you are adorbale you are)

" i go to mt sac"

"oh whatre you taking this fall" (awww you wanna know all about me)

i tell him what im taking

"oh musics your thing huh?"

"yupp...its my major"

"what do you do?"

"sing"

"whats your favorite song to sing right now?"

"you wouldnt know if i told you"

"well sing it for me" (cute but no)

"ummm...no"

"why not?"

"i dont like to sing by myself"

"i dont get it...you like to sing but not by yourself?"

"well ya...i sing in a choir"

"is your friend thats coming a singer too?"

"ya"

"well there you go then" (again...cute but no)

"ummm...no"

lawren arrives

we eat and talk and talk and talk

then we pay

then i walk her to her car and we talk and talk and talk

we finally stop talking after about 2 hours at about 4...she has stuff to do

i go back inside with the intention of getting a schedule using the bathroom and leaving

i end up staying at chili's for another hour talking to various people but mainly lauren [notice the change in spelling] and mark [not mike]

i finally leave a lil after 5pm

after being at chili's for 5 hours without working


perfect day :)


love and stuff

B.A.J

what i just realized

being in chamber singers does NOT make me any cooler or any more popular...it doesnt matter...they wont like me anymore than they do/dont already and i wont get invited to anymore of their fun fun funny funtime parties except for the ones associated with being in chamber singers

the friends that i have now are still gonna be my only friends...some of those friends are chamber singers and thats cool...but i shouldnt expect any of the old people to suddenly change how they feel about me just because i made a choir

will i make new friends? quite possibly...the new people coming into mt sac have no real impression of me so we'll just have to see

love and stuff,

B.A.J

the life and times of LD and DJ

they have a regular relationship


with regular problems


because they're regular people

he's guarded and hides his emotions

she wont allow herself to be happy


see...regular


its just more interesting to me because i know EVERYTHING...yikes

a most glorious weekend pt. 2

i dont feel like going into detail about the rest of the weekend cuz that would take too long


know this though:

it was the most amazing weekend ever

saturday being the best day for many reasons

and me and danny texted all day on sunday


thatsall


love and stuff,

B.A.J

the conversation i just had with myself

myself: why are you really jealous? is it because bruce has danny or is it because danny has someone like bruce?

I: both

UGH!!!!

BUT HE'S OLD!!!!!


HE'S OLD OLD OLD!!!

and HE'S NOT EVEN REALLY ATTRACTIVE!!!!

UGH!!!


YOU SHOULD BE WITH ME INSTEAD!!!!


ok thats my rant for the day

a most glorious weekend pt. 1

the amazingness started at about 11:00 pm friday evening when i showed up to kelsey's dad's house after working a 7 hour shift at chili's.

i was tired...yes indeed...7 hours at chili's isnt something that can be done with ease...and i decided not to eat so i was running on an empty stomach...but all was well...some of my favorite people were all crammed into one place

Anna, Kelsey, Aaron, Tom, and Johnny: my G-town peeps

it was a celebration of kelsey's 19th bday and it was to be a most glorious weekend

so as i said it started when i showed up at kelsey's dad's. everyone was a lil tired because they had spent all day in palm springs swimming and such and i of course had been working

anyhow...we were tired but this weekend was not for sleeping

after being introduced to kelsey's stepmother and uncle i chilled with everyone else in the family room basically just talking about nothing

after a while we decided to play a game called picture phone...which is kinda like telephone...except with pictures...obviously

so we played that and it was HILARIOUS!!! probably my new favorite game to play with friends...up there with big booty and pornstars lol :)

i should mention here that kels' stepmother has a very expensive mac computer that she doesnt like other people to use...so of course we used it to take about a hundred pictures of ourselves...check my myspace


so after doing that we did more of nothing and loved it and by about 3am we were all asleep somewhere in the house lol

after about 5 hours we were woken up by the sweet sounds of kels' 3 cousins (ages 4, 2, and 8months), stepmother, uncle, and father...it was delightful...not

so after being formally introduced to kelsey's father lynn (the stepmother) made us breakfast and we watched TV's Sexiest Men (tom selleck...give me a break)

after breakfast at about 11:30 anna left with aaron to take tom home and pick up karlyn (another of my g-town homies)

while they were gone we were joined by danny...omg...danny...ya i think thats all i can say

so ya were joined by danny and decided to migrate to the backyard to enjoy the activities the venue offered (a trampoline and a swimming pool)

so danny kels and i went swimming and played a few rounds of marco polo...i was it first...and spent a majority of my time chasing danny...dont judge me lol :)...and caught him eventually :)...i actually caught him everytime i was it

from there we moved to trampoline and back to the pool and then back to trampoline and then to the table to chat and kinda kept going with that for a while

then anna and aaron returned with karlyn and we did more of the same

during this time anna and i became quite attached to two floaties that belonged to kels' baby cousins...a duck by the name of ducky for anna and an alligator by the name of abigail for me...we were quite the foursome :)

later on at about 4:30 kelsey left with johnny and aaron to take karlyn back to glendora so he could go to work...leaving me to chill with anna and danny...by now my two favorite people of the group...we chilled and ate hamburgers and hot dogs courtesy of kels' dad

there's is a lot to this weekend so i think i'll stop here

thus ends part one

love and stuff,

B.A.J

unbridled joy!

the boys are coming

im going to disneyland

i got the weekend off for kels' bday weekend celebration!

i am pleased!


love and stuff,

B.A.J

...but not necessarily for myself.

at one point i thought i was on the brink being in love...like really being in love...with someone that loved me...but something went terribly wrong and im not sure what...

it hurt...and it still does when i think about it...and im thinking about it now...

i thought i was over it and that i was ok...thought wrong tho didnt i?

this sucks

love and stuff,

B.A.J

hmmm...im not entirely sure how much i care

john and nina are getting married today...its after midnite so i can say today

thats not what im not sure i care about...that part im happy about...weddings are awesome

the part i dont know how much i care about is that i wasnt invited.

i mean i was one of the first people he told after he proposed...but that was only because i was with alissa at the time

we were never really close...we hung out at lunch senior year...but that was because we had a lot of common friends

idk i kinda just thought that i might be invited but im not entirely sure how much i care that i wasnt invited

initially i was hurt about it and considered contacting john to plead my case but then it just didnt seem worth the effort and i was probably gonna start sounding desperate which i really wasnt

i think the thing that bothers me the most is that markis (who is a member of the wedding party) and alissa were both invited and theyre my two best friends and when they get back from the wedding they will have all the fun memories and they will recount them all and i have to sit there and listen to it and wish i was there and not be able to say "stop talking about the wedding" without sounding, and perhaps feeling, all hard-done-by like some little kid that wasnt invited to the party and hasnt gotten over it yet

idk


love and stuff,

B.A.J

my late night madness

i continue to stay awake into the wee hours of the night for no reason

i really dont mind it when i have nothing to do the next day or i dont work until 5 or something like that

but on the nights when i have to wake up the next morning this is just completely unacceptable

its not that i CANT sleep its that i WONT sleep like i just dont want to...even though there is absolutely NOTHING interesting going on at 3 am

yet i continue my late night madness night after night


frustrate!



love and stuff,

B.A.J

the reason it took me so long to start a blog...

...is because i dont feel like im interesting or deep enough yakno?

im definitely not a profound person...never have been

my life has been relatively blah...no major life changing events

ive had my share of drama of course...but who hasnt

i guess my cousin is right when she says i just dont give a shit and that im nonchalant...

maybe thats why im not a deep person...i never care enough about the events of my life to stress about them

so then what does that mean of you who are "deep"?

do you care too much?

is there such a thing as not enough or too much?

i know people say there is...but what does it really mean to care too much??

a conversation i had earlier with lawren is valid here also

the point of the conversation was this:

weird is in the eye of the beholder, meaning that when someone uses the phrase "weird" in reference to someone else it is meerly saying that the someone else's particular quirks are different than the someone's quirks. everyone is weird in their own little way basically...i guess that was the easier way to say it but whatevs

so my point in bringing that up is to say this: too say that one cares too much or doesnt care enough is simply saying that they do not care as much as or care more than you do...which continues to imply that they SHOULD care as much as you...and is that true?? do we all have to care the same in any given situation? i should think not! that would remove originality from the world...not all originality of course because there is more too being original than just this

but im sure you've gotten my point by now

perhaps i am deep :)


love and stuff,

B.A.J

in case you were wondering why i love choral music so much...

corona+lake elsinore+corona+diamond bar+corona

= THE BEST DAY EVER!!!!

seriously!

me markis and alissa just spent several hours driving everywhere and nowhere

doing absolutely nothing fruitful whatsoever

and thats why i love them :)

you know youre best friends when you can spend hours doing absolutely nothing


i love you guys!!!!


love and stuff,
B.A.J