im done

its funny how stupid lil things can make you examine your entire life

tonight when i went to mcdonalds i ordered a mcchicken with extra mayo but instead i got a mcchicken with NO mayo

they did it on purpose


lack of respect


that sent me spiraling down a path thinking of all the people in my life right now that dont respect me for no reason...because they think they're better than me in some way.

they treat me like im not worth their time

its really frustrating because ive spent so much time working so hard and its come to nothing

what do i have?

im in chamber singers...whats the use in that if there are people standing on all sides of me who think i dont deserve it

i know it shouldnt matter but the fact of the matter is that it does...it does matter...it matters because it hurts...it hurts so badly...so badly that i cant help but to think about it...and then when i think about it, it just hurts more

i dont know if i can deal with this

is it all worth it?

what makes it worth it?

chamber singers is great and its an amazing opportunity and a great kick down my career path

but its hard to remember that the future will be brighter when the present is so dark

ugh

i dont know what the point of all of this is

i dont want to quit chamber

i just need to be sure that putting up with all of this for the next 3 years is going to be worth it

is it really going to matter

are people really gonna care when it comes down to it

ive spent all of this time trying to convince everyone else that i made a good decision but i guess i wasnt even really convinced

no

scratch that

i was sure

i was convinced

i just didnt know it would be like this

but we ever really know what its gonna be like?

no

no

no i dont think we do.

i dont know