Sometimes I'm a big idiot

I do and say things without even thinking. And I do the aforementioned stupid things, I make people mad at me. I really need to start thinking about everything I do and say about 37000 times before I actually do and say them. Maybe that way people wouldn't, like, hate me, and then I would, like, keep friends.

I Wish I Was.

I wish I was Jaimey, instead of James. Life would be so much easier that way. My obsessive love of boys would be healthy and people would find it endearing, not weird. The extra weight would be ok because I would carry it well and dress just right to make it look good. I would be an awesome alto. People would think I was talented and would want to be my friend. I wouldn't be single, because boys would want me as much as I want them. I would be respected and loved, because as Jaimey, everything I am would be considered normal. I wouldn't fight with my parents because just trying would be enough for them, as long as I was in school and staying out of trouble they wouldn't care about helping out with money here and there.

Yeah, life would be easier if I was Jaimey. But I'm not, and life wasn't made to be easy.

Yet still, I wish I was.

Bad Day

You almost had an angry blog coming your way but I came home and took a much needed nap and now I'm calm (or groggy...)

But ya today was not one of my better days...I was just frustrated and annoyed throughout the entire day, which sucks cuz I was kinda excited to go back to school today cuz Mondays and Wednesdays are my favorites. Of course I shouldve known that being excited about it would be my downfall.

But like I said I'm fine now. I'm still positive that this is gonna be a good week :)

Certain Things Just Don't Make Sense

Remember back when I didn't have a job, so most of the time I didn't have any money? And how sometimes I couldn't put gas in my car or buy myself some food?

Those two go together. No job = no money = no gas and/or food

Ok, now do you remember when I was so excited when I got hired by the census? And then when I got rehired at Raging Waters? And do you remember that one day that I missed school for training, and then when I missed a FULL WEEK of school for training? Remember how that was like 3 weeks ago?

Doesn't 2 jobs = some money = some gas and food? And yet somehow I still have no money for gas and food. That doesn't make sense, right?

Ya I didn't think so.

Boys Boys Boys

Victor: every semester in concert choir there is a boy that catches my eye. It's never anything more than a cute little flirtatious crush but it always happens. This semester it's Victor. For the first part of the semester we sat next to each other and I was always kinda flirty (you know how I do) but I know that nothing is ever gonna come of it. I just think he's a cutie in a weird sorta way.

Emilio: there has been many a tweet about how this boy makes me feel. I just kinda smile when I think about him or when he texts me or when he tweets something witty. I first met him during the two weeks of Star Wars in Concert (still the best 2 weeks of my life) but I didn't really talk to him, I thought he was cute but nothing more than that. But then both of our choirs went on tour together in Arizona and on the last night there was a party and we started talking...it was nice. I realized he was more than cute, he's adorable. Smart, funny, talented. For the first week after we got back from tour we texted back and forth everyday. I kinda got my hopes up but, in my usual fashion, I let it go without saying anything. I sometimes think I'm over it...and then I sometimes think I'm not.

Jean: oh Jean. I can't help it. I used to think we could be perfect together...except for the fact that he's almost devastatingly attractive and I could never be good enough for him. We're both looking for the same thing, to love and be loved and all that. We both want the same kind of relationship. But like I said, I could never be good enough for him. I could try forever, and it would take that long, but I could never deserve someone like him. I went through a phase where I was actually really trying to get to a point where he might be interested but I realized it would never be enough...so I gave up...as usual.

I'm not a whore because I like 3 boys at once. I just see something in all 3 of them that I want, that could make me happy. And I wanna be happy.

Ok so...

Last night I kinda had a melt down...thus the melodramatic blog. I'm fine. God is working amazingly in my life.

That class that I thought I was gonna fail? I'll be fine. Kate (my history professor) allowed me to make up the exam that I missed no questions asked, even though I didn't exactly follow the procedure that she outlined...and I got an A...woooott!! And Kristina (my Italian professor) decided that, instead of taking the exam I missed in that class, she would just take the average if the first 2...so I got a B without even taking it! Double wooooott!!

And, though I don't know how I did on my theory exam from Wednesday, I feel better about it than I thought I would.

God is seriously so good...you shouldve seen me on Tuesday night...I was a mess! I just knew Wednesday was gonna be terrible...I seriously felt like everything was crashing down! But I prayed about it and He seriously came through big time. PTL indeed :)

Ugh. (life as of 5/5/10)

While people are graduating college, getting married, and having babies, I'm still at a JC with the prospect of failing my first class ever in the history of my life.

Ugh.